JAN MOIR: Own your views Gary, or else it's hypocritical hot…

Disingenuous is claiming that he was not alluding to the Nazis when he accused the Government's 'stop the boats' policy of using 'language that is not dissimilar to that used by in the 30s'.

Apparently, that was the Daily Mail's fault, for putting zwei and zwei together to make vier.

Well who was he alluding to, if that is the case?

The language of the Bavarian Cuckoo Clock Society? The phraseology then in common usage at the Heidelberg Polka Club?

This week the football pundit was handwringing again, saying that it is now 'very worrying' that people are being arrested for protesting. 

But they are not being arrested for protesting, they are being arrested for offences such as causing a public nuisance, obstruction and aggravated trespass.

Perhaps Gary thinks even that is too Polka Club for comfort.

Yes, language is important. Especially for someone like him, with his lava lamp of floating beliefs, all of them shaped to fit the progressive narrative and cast the prettiest light.

Disingenuous Gary Lineker is claiming that he was not alluding to the Nazis when he accused the Government's 'stop the boats' policy of using 'language that is not dissimilar to that used by Germany in the 30s'

This week the football pundit was handwringing again, saying that it is now 'very worrying' that people are being arrested for protesting

But they are not being arrested for protesting, they are being arrested for offences such as causing a public nuisance, obstruction and aggravated trespass

But how are we to know what to think of a man who goes on about human rights and climate change, but appears to ignore both these concerns to fly to Qatar and work there during the World Cup?

As far as I'm concerned, Gary Lineker should be perfectly free to air his views, however contentious they might be.

However, once he's aired them, he should own them — or it's just hypocritical hot air.

Award for sulky teens goes to...

Everyone in Los Angeles was very sad that the Duchess of Sussex failed to turn up in person to accept her latest award this week — The Annual Wacky Races Humanitarian Prize For Outstanding Actress In A Car Chase Sequence.

She was also due to accept the Gracie Award For Podcast Host Of The Year in their Digital Media Section, but didn't turn up for that either.

What can be wrong?

Suggestions that the Sussexes are in a huff because doubts have been cast over their version of events in New York last week seem, well, close to the truth.

A statement from an 'insider' suggested that the couple 'insist their account of the car chase WAS absolutely NOT exaggerated and for people to say otherwise is so hurtful and out of line.'

Hurtful!

Out of line! All this emotional representation makes the Sussexes sound like a couple of sulky teenagers who've just had the jam nicked out of their doughnuts.

And sometimes, to be fair, that is exactly how it seems. For Harry and Meghan don't just want to control how they are reported in the media.

They also seem to want nothing less than to control online opinion and comment sites while steering the public narrative into a happy place and dominating the hearts and minds of the entire world with their goodness.

However, people see what they see.

They can make up their own minds about what happened and appropriate their victimhood points accordingly.

Meanwhile, Harry and Meghan may be good at winning awards, but there is not a ripple of hope they can change this damaging narrative to suit their needs.
No matter how hurtful that might be.

Oh the horror. Will we ever be able to unsee the images of canoe fraudster John Darwin being serenaded in the kitchen by his second wife, Mercy?

She wants to be an influencer and is using her husband's corroded notoriety to help get clicks.

To this end, she appears to be dancing around him in their kitchen, as he sits gormlessly on a stool, looking as boneless and pale as a smoked haddock.

It seems that crime does pay although in this case, there is very little interest.

Oh the horror.

Will we ever be able to unsee the images of canoe fraudster John Darwin being serenaded in the kitchen by his second wife, Mercy?

How low Cannes you go, Heidi?

Is the Cannes Film Festival over yet?

Thank goodness for that. 

Once upon a time this was a classy affair, where the young Brigitte Bardot ran along the beach in broderie anglaise petticoats while Kim Novak stared into Cary Grant's eyes at black tie dinners. 

Now it's all gone a bit Del Boy goes to Monte Carlo, penipu with starlets vying to wear the most tastelessly revealing dress. 

First prize this year went to Heidi Klum, wrapped in a disobliging neon boob bandage that failed to contain her curves. 

Or was that the point?

Runner-up Julia Fox wore something perspexy that looked like it had been hacked off a defrosting freezer. Petit pois? Don't be so rude.

First prize this year went to Heidi Klum, wrapped in a disobliging neon boob bandage that failed to contain her curves